Where Have I Been...Version 2

Yep...where have I been?  It has been a good 10 months since I blogged here on the little ole page.  I don't know if anyone even still reads this!  LOL

If you have popped on here, you saw the post about Ella.  That's a lot of it, but the last three years have had me in not a good place creatively and mentally.  Some people seem to be able to create to release the stress, I on the other hand, am the exact opposite.  I found that I shut down when things are going on and all of the creative side of me leaves.  It's not because I don't want to create, I just cannot seem to.

So this is what I felt like creative wise for awhile...belly up and just too tired to even try.  Not that I didn't want to...but because I was tired.FYI I do NOT have belly hair like Jetson here!  But read on, because there is more....

The only team I am on right now is Therm O Web, which I love.  Some of my teams ended and then others I stepped down from. Just the idea of a deadline would cause me GREAT anxiety.  And anxiety is something that I have never, EVER had before...stress yes, but anxiety no.  And the anxiety wasn't just about creating, it's has been about everything, work, scrapping, the dogs, Mom passing, etc.  

Some teams I tried for and didn't make it which sent me further into my little safe space of not creating and being present.  I am not going to sugar coat things and say I was ok with it, because I wasn't, I was in a dark place.  I work hard for teams I am on...I have great project photos (a lot better than some people, yes I said it..I have worked hard on that.)...I meet deadlines and I just felt let down and done. Crazy right, it's just paper, glue and glitter, not life or death.  I am honestly just now, finding my way out of the dark place and starting to enjoy creating and thinking of "maybe" trying for a team, etc. 

So some time away has helped.  And made me realize I don't need to change to fit anyone's mold of what I "need" to be. Social media has a way of doing that before you even realize it.  I have to remind myself that 99.9% of the stuff you see on social media is staged, fake, or a "teeny tiny snippet" of what truly goes on.  Especially as far as scrapbooking.  You don't see people scrap the real stuff (which I have tried to do), it's more the staged photos, staged craft rooms (and not small rooms either) houses that are nice and tidy, vacations everywhere all the time, who you know,...I could go on, but I won't. And I just needed to tell myself....It's their loss and I am good at creating, we all are.

I know you are probably thinking I sound angry, bitter, you name it.  Well at the time, I was, I am not going to lie.  Am I still like that...no, sad maybe.  But I need to get back to creating for fun and me.  And not putting so much pressure on myself to be that "ideal" that social media wants everyone to be. 

That girl up there has been thru a lot in the past three years...actually more like the past seven years or even a little longer.  She needed a break, reality check, whatever you want to call it. And thank god for the people that have put up with me thru it...you know who you are! 

In conclusion, a little blog redo, actually using my affiliate account and using products that I love and inspiring people to use them also and MAKE ALL THE THINGS!!!

If you have read this far, let me know if you like the blog redo, any thoughts you have and what you might like to see.  Or just say hi and let me know that there is really someone reading this!  LOL LOL